Elucidation

You know how we have ALL been wondering about why on EARTH the weather has been so very peculiar this past year? How it's supposed to be a record-breaking sixty-one degrees tomorrow, a day which is usually one of the year's coldest? How there was no snow on Christmas, and skating ice for only a day or two? How it was too hot and humid in the middle of July, too cold in September, and how there was actually a windstorm once when we went sailing? (I heard it even rained for some people...)

I've figured it all out!

Want to know? Of course you do!

Well, here's what's going on - and it isn't Global Warming! No, it's something much bigger than that over-hyped politicized hypothesis. Methuselah's age finally caught up with him!

On the off chance that you don't know who Methuselah is, or that you think I must be referring to a different Methuselah, allow me to inform you that Methuselah is Adam's great- great- great- great- great grandson. That is a claim to fame in itself, but he also happened to live longer than any other man in recorded history! Nine hundred and sixty-nine years! Wow!

Well, Methuselah happened to die 1656 years after the creation of the earth, and that also happened to be the year that God destroyed the evil inhabitants of the earth through a great flood, saving only Noah and his family. Of course, the flood effected drastic changes to the climate of the earth, and someone needed to be put in charge of making sure the weather worked properly. Methuselah was the obvious choice, since he had just arrived in heaven and was reputed to have had the most experience on earth.

Methuselah set right to work. God did the first job - putting the rainbow in the sky for Noah - but after that it was mostly Methuselah all the way (with God always over-seeing, naturally). People generally thought he did a good job, although a few unfortunates thought he made it too snowy in the northern US. He disregarded these people's complaints, however, much to the gratification of the more open-minded sector of the populace.

In the middle of the year of our Lord 2005, however, things began to change. Methuselah, getting REALLY old by this time, decided to retire, and the job was given over to his descendant Peleg, who was also old. Unfortunately, Peleg was just not as organized as his predecessor, and he kept messing up the weather files. His first big mistake was to mix up the 2005 and 2006 Atlantic hurricane files. He dropped them on the floor, and, not being very meticulous, he piled all the papers into the 2005 folder (except for one or two that wouldn't fit). If the people of Louisiana had known who was responsible, they would have been very angry with him. Instead, they blamed the government.

The Dennis/Emily/Katrina/Rita/Stan episode was the only real disaster of the Peleg administration so far, but it wasn't the last error the angel was to make. This year, he FORGOT ABOUT SNOW!!! At least, he did in New England. Methuselah made it snow once while taking over the job temporarily as a favor for his [n(great)] grandchild, but other than that one time, the New England earth has been basically devoid of its usual January brilliance. It's possible that Peleg mixed up the Midwest file and the Northeast file, but I am more in favor of the theory that he mixed up the January and June sections of New England's file. Then again, why speculate?

The point is, Peleg forgot the snow in New England this year, and we miss it! I'm thinking maybe we should organize a strike or something...

Donations to the Aaron H. S. and Friends Amateur Meteorology Association(AHSFAMA) can be mailed to me at any time. I will always accept.