Speech, speech!!!

I wrote a speech today (as diehard fans of Cara's blog already know). A speech to convince my mom to allow me to make oatmeal cookies, in fact. I also printed off a bill for Daddy to sign enacting the law. I had an awesome time doing it, and to my delight, Mama was impressed. So impressed that she said yes!!! (Even though I can't make the cookies until tomorrow.) Bria deMANDed that I put the speech on my blog (aren't sisters the best, Penny?) so here it is (to hear is to obey, Bria).

-------------------------------------------------

Friends, distinguished guests, members of my family:

We are all witness to the fact that a horrible epidemic of an influenza virus has ravaged our home these past several weeks. Displaying nearly every imaginable common symptom, this infectious disease reared its ugly head, only to be struck down by the marvelous immune system with which God has endowed every one of us.

Nevertheless, this struggle is not over. Each person here still struggles with an occasional cough; an annoying headache; a runny nose. But although not the most outwardly apparent, the worst symptom of all is the lethargy we find ourselves stuck with. Whether in the morning, the afternoon, or the evening, we are incessantly dogged by an inescapable feeling of fatigue.

In times of crisis such as this, it becomes increasingly necessary to provide adequate sustenance to our ailing bodies. Those foods with a small—yet adequate—amount of sugar and plenty of whole grains can assist every man’s convalescence so profoundly that we can no longer ignore their powerful effect. I am hereby introducing a bill—which the Hon. Ryan Sandford has agreed to sponsor—that, if approved by the higher council, will authorize the baking of three dozen oatmeal raisin cookies this very day! <applause>

The experts have discussed and debated, and they are in unanimous agreement that these cookies would be an invaluable addition to each of our diets. Each cookie—according to the meticulous study of one of our most highly esteemed mathematicians—contains a mere teaspoon of sugar. In addition, this sugar is not only the nutrient-starved overly refined granulated sugar found in most cookies; half of it is, but the rest is invigorating and nutritious brown sugar.
Another benefit from these cookies can be found in the presence of nourishing whole grains such as rolled oats. As you know from your General Mills cereal boxes, scientists around the world highly recommend whole grains as an essential component of a heart-healthy diet. Whole grains may even lower your cholesterol!

There is one last reason that I must give you in support of my bill. One cannot talk long about any form of cookie without referring to its incredible delicious properties. Can you not even now imagine the rich, scrumptious taste of the sweet raisins and hearty oats that are the hallmark of a good oatmeal cookie? Not only are these treats energizing and healthful, but they are universally loved.

On that closing note, I urge you—no, I beg you to sign this vital bill into law.

Thank you. May God bless you, and may God bless this household.